What has your postpartum journey been like?
The fourth trimester was the most challenging of my entire life. A week after giving birth, I developed a rare type of shingles called Ramsay Hunt Syndrome, which took doctors another week to diagnose. Two weeks after having my baby, the doctor told me I could not touch him, feed him or hold him until I was better. I was in excruciating pain, had vertigo so I was not able to walk, shower or even use the restroom by myself, and I had Bells Palsy on the right side of my face so eating and drinking was very difficult. My doctor put me on anti-viral medication and that, plus not eating from the nausea of the disease and no physical contact with my baby, completely dried up my milk supply.
I was completely miserable during what was supposed to be the happiest time of my life.
I feel so fortunate that I have a strong support system with our families nearby and an incredibly involved partner. My mother was able to take three weeks off work to help us out and my husband was basically the sole caretaker of our son for two weeks–changing his diaper, feeding him, etc. Looking back to that time and also hearing stories of dads who don’t feel connected to their baby and babies who only want their mother, I think it was a blessing in disguise because our son has a special bond with his grandparents and my husband was thrown into the deep-end of fatherhood and quickly learned how to swim.
Having such a difficult postpartum experience also resulted in me being extremely appreciative of being able to “be a mom” again and savor the constant cuddles and middle-of-the-night feedings rather than the frustration I know most moms feel.
What has been the most challenging part for you as a new mom?
The most challenging part about life as a new mom was being faced with and having to accept reality–real, raw everyday life, not the dream we have in our head about how motherhood is supposed to be. That dream of having a clean house and beautiful, wooden toys and our baby being the one that sleeps through the night in his crib at three months and breastfeeding like a goddess wherever our baby is hungry. I was forced very early on to give up on the idea of what I wanted or expected motherhood to be. When I wasn’t able to nurse my baby like I had always planned, it broke my heart. The process of fighting for it and trying to make it happen, meeting with lactation consultants, and my baby just crying and screaming instead of receiving nourishment–I felt like I had failed as a mother and I had lost the chance to bond with my baby in an essentially maternal way. That was very difficult to come to terms with.
